I remember exactly where I was when I decided to give meditation a try.
I was working from home, in the midst of one of the longest and hardest workdays I’ve ever had. Work had become an everyday stressor for me, and I couldn’t find a balance with the multitude of other thoughts racing through my mind. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. On top of that, my stress levels were sending me into one of those exhausting Crohn’s flare-ups, the kind that drains you not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I felt like I was drowning in exhaustion, inflammation, fear, and frustration. Meanwhile, my body was screaming, but so was my mind. Meditation was suggested as a way to cope with the overwhelming stress.
I felt like I didn’t have control over any aspect of my life, and I knew something had to give. Subsequently, I remembered coming across multiple social media posts on mindfulness and meditation. Some would say it was the algorithm, but I say God knows how to speak to his children.
All the posts said the same thing: just breathe…easy, right?
My First Attempt: Not What I Expected
I sat on the floor, legs crossed, and set a 5-minute timer.
- I closed my eyes.
- I breathed in.
- I breathed out.
- I told myself, “Just focus on your breathing.”
And within seconds, my mind exploded:
- Is this working?
- How long has it been?
- My stomach still hurts.
- This is stupid.
- Oh, shoot—I forgot to reply to that email.
- I guess I’ll have soup again tonight for dinner
I opened my eyes after what felt like 20 minutes.
The timer read: 2 minutes and 17 seconds.
I sighed and stood up, convinced I was “bad” at meditation. There was no way I was doing this right. I couldn’t quiet my thoughts.
What I Thought MeditationWas:
- About feeling peaceful
- I was supposed to empty my mind
- If I wasn’t calm, I was failing
- Sitting in silence with my legs crossed
But here’s what I’ve learned since:
Meditation isn’t about silencing your thoughts; it’s about gently witnessing them and choosing to remain rooted in stillness, trusting that even the noise has a purpose.
That messy, distracted, uncomfortable first attempt? That was meditation. I was observing, gently coming back, and learning to stay with myself. I learned to be present with my thoughts and reflect on how I am feeling.
What Actually Changed:
I kept showing up. Five minutes a day. Sometimes three. Sometimes ten.
Oftentimes, I sit with God, simply thanking him for giving me those moments and appreciating the things I tend to take for granted. My life is far from perfect, but it is a blessing that I cherish.
And slowly, I noticed:
- I was less reactive to pain and stress.
- I could pause before spiraling into anxiety.
- I started speaking to myself with more kindness.
Not every day has been magical. I still have painful days where I only have the strength and energy to move from my bed to the couch. But even when the “hard” days are active. I am building resilience, awareness, and a new empathic relationship with my body. I am learning to be patient and kind to myself.
If You’re Just Starting…
Please know this: Your first attempt doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect. That’s not what mindfulness is about.
You might feel uncomfortable. You might wonder if you’re doing it right. That’s normal. That is the practice.
Start with one breath. Then another. That’s all it takes to begin.